While reading 5 Terrible Things You Can't Stop Your Children From Doing on Cracked.com, I thought that some of their explanations missed the mark. Maybe it's because I don't have kids of my own, but I do remember being a teenager. The teenage years suck, and no one understands you. Notice, I didn't say adults don't understand teenagers. No, everyone has their own things going on in their heads at different rates, especially between the ages of 12 and 20. I am a teenager sympathizer and wish more people would give these kids more credit.
At any rate, back to the article.
#5. "I'd never let my kid out of the house, dressed like that!"
"John Cheese" makes a good point here, that kids are trying to be grownups, not sluts. I'm surprised he didn't address a more important point: it doesn't matter what your kids look like when they leave the house.
My mom didn't want me to wear makeup. She still doesn't wear makeup. So I did what most other teenage girls do who aren't supposed to be wearing makeup: I left the house without it then put it on when I got to school, or my friend's house, or whatever. Then I washed my face before I got home.
As a freshman in high school, I dressed grunge, just like everyone else at the time. I was wearing jeans with holes in them, topped off by a flannel shirt, t-shirt, or baggy sweatshirt. And then, overnight, I got boobs. I went from a training bra to a D in my sophomore year. I had something that all the other girls wanted, there was no way I was going to keep hiding these babies under sloppy shirts. So sure, while I still had on jeans and a flannel shirt when I left the house, as soon as I got out of view of my front door, that shirt was unbuttoned to show off the tight fitting tank top I had on underneath.
Cracked gave this picture as an example:
Sure, she was probably wearing this when she left the house. That sweater is perfect for covering up a tight crop top. That skirt not only covers up the mini skirt underneath, but parents also can't see that the boots are knee high "sexy" boots. Or maybe wearing the mini skirt underneath would be too obvious. You bet she's carrying a purse. In addition to the makeup hidden away inside, a mini skirt fits nicely even into a small purse.
It doesn't matter what you tell your kids to do. They're going to do it anyway. Speaking of...
#4. "I'll never let my kid hang around that crowd!"
Confession time: When I was 16, I dated a 29 year old. Before you start calling him a perv, keep in mind that, other than my husband, he was the best boyfriend I ever had. He respected me, he never pressured me, and he gave me some life lessons that I had never gotten from my parents or friends (like being friendly to cashiers and wait staff). In fact, he knew it was wrong and wanted to break the relationship off, and I convinced him not to leave me.
Did my parents want me to date someone that much older than me? Of course not. So I didn't tell them. I would go out with friends, then meet up with my boyfriend afterwards. Eventually I got found out.
My point for this is the same as #5, it doesn't matter what you tell your kids to do, they're going to do it anyway.
#3. "I'll never let my kids around booze or drugs!"
This is the one that my parents got right. They never told me, "Don't do drugs," or "Don't drink." They told me, "It would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to do drugs. I can only tell you that I tried them before and would not recommend it. They're illegal, which can get you in trouble, and I'm not bailing you out of jail. And never bring them into my house." On alcohol, "If you drink, don't drive. And you still have to be home by curfew. And I'm not bailing you out of jail." On smoking, "I'm not paying for your cigarettes. Or to buy you a car. Or anything else you don't need. So you can choose to waste your money on cigarettes, or you can save up for the car you want so badly."
Did it work? Yeah, pretty well. Sure, I tried all of it, most just once. I didn't see the appeal, and since my parents already figured that I'd try it, I didn't feel like I was being a rebel.
So, it goes back to my point, teenagers are going to do it anyway. Lead by example and make sure they are informed about what to do when things go wrong.
#2. "I'll never let my kids touch a gun!"
I was raised in a hunting household. Guns were par for the course. I knew how to shoot when I was 9. I had my own pellet gun to go rabbit hunting with. I'm on par with John Cheese here. When I saw a gun as a kid, I knew about gun safety, and it wasn't anything special. So I wasn't interested.
So again, lead by example and make sure kids are informed. In this case, keeping them away from guns is worse than sheltering them from them. If they know what they're doing, they're not going to freak out when they see one, and they'll know what to do around it. They'll have respect for guns. This is a case where good peer pressure works.
#1. "I better never catch my kid fighting!"
I got in a fight in 5th grade. At the time, I had a friend named Stacy, and both of us thought we wanted to be part of the cool crowd. Some of the "cool" girls said she could be part of their group if she fought me.
That day, I hid in the bathroom for a while. I wasn't scared of getting hurt, I was scared of hurting my friend. Not physically, but emotionally. Friends don't fight friends. Finally, I realized that if she wanted to be a part of that crowd, I'd have to do this for her, and it would make her happy.
So I went out to recess, and there was a big group assembled in the middle of the track. She had all the cool kids on her side, and I had 3 kids on mine: My boyfriend at the time (elementary school boyfriend = walking home together and spending recess together), my friend Mary, and my still-best-friend Jessica. Stacy and I circled around each other for a while, then I grabbed her arm, pinned it behind her back, grabbed her other arm, and tried to pin her to the ground. But I was a tiny kid, and never got her down.
Why did I do that? One, I didn't want to hurt my friend. But also, my stepdad was also teaching me how to fight. I already knew that it was better to subdue my opponent than to swing.
But even as a little kid, I was a lover, not a fighter. Everyone was surprised that I got in a fight. Anyone I tell this story to is surprised now.
Sure, I got in trouble at school. They sent a note home to my parents, but I told them before they could get the letter (I learned it was always better for them to find out from me than someone else). Their reply? "Did you win?" My friend and I made up after that, and she didn't get into the cool crowd, but we lost touch in middle school.
My point is, you can't protect your children from everything. Like I've been saying this whole time:
They're going to experience it one way or another anyway,
And when they do, it's better for them to know what to do. The hard, gritty truth, not some ABC Family Special BS.
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