Dear Diary, Last Night I Had A Good Dream

This is a post probably better for a diary entry.

I had an awesome dream last night that I haven't been able to get off my mind today.

But first, let's talk a little bit about dreams.  Sometimes something seems perfectly normal in a dream is impossible to describe in real life.

One thing that happens to me regularly is that one person in my dream is actually two people in real life.  In the dream world, this person can be two separate people at once.  It's not like the one person is the other, or this is a new person that's a combination of the two.  I would guess it's a little like being insane and knowing it: the closest thing in real life that I can equate it to would be seeing and recognizing person A, but knowing it's really not person A, it's person B.

Because of this strange dream phenomena, I'm hesitant to publicly post this dream.  In it, my husband and Gideon Emery (yep, him again, I'm not quite sure why he's popping up so much lately) are the same person.

I don't want to give the wrong impression here.  If you've read even a handful of my posts, you've probably figured out how much I am in love with my husband.  In addition, although I find him attractive and am sure he's a wonderful guy, I am not expressing any desire to have an intimate relationship with Gid.  Finally, the whole thing seems stalker-ish and obsessive-fangirl-ish, and that's not the type of person I want to be.  This isn't a fantasy that I consciously made up, I'm just telling the dream like it was.

At any rate, on to the dream.

I was in a bedroom just like my grandma used to have before she moved down to Florida, complete with the mirrored vanity.  I had just turned 19. 

Gid came up behind me and said something to the effect of, "I know you've wanted me to kiss you.  Since you're of age now, it's okay.  I didn't want to give the wrong influence to your little sister."   

Then he held my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we had this long passionate kiss.  It caught me off guard, because I was expecting just a polite, compulsory kiss.  Instead, it was so intense, that we tried to fall back onto the bed, missed, hit the floor, and didn't stop. 

When we finally parted, we both said, "Wow."  I was a bit dazed from it.  Then we started comparing notes about the kiss.  It felt exactly like one of Brian's kisses, but then I thought, "Oh wait, this IS Brian." 

Afterwards, Gid went to take a shower in the bathroom directly across the hall, and left the door open.  I started cleaning up the bedroom, picking things up off of the floor.  It was like we were just a normal couple, and I treated him the same way I would treat Brian. 

When he got out of the shower, he came into the bedroom (already dressed) to get ready to go to an audition or shoot or something.  He was talking about quitting something, and I thought he wanted to quit Merlin.  (No, he's not on Merlin in real life, but he was in the dream.)  I clarified, and then said it was good that he didn't want to quit Merlin.  The show was doing so well and giving him tons of exposure. 

He got up and sat on the bed, but he was totally Brian at this point.  I continued cleaning up the room and chatting with him, just like, well, just like I did last night before bed. 

Interpreting this dream is pretty easy, actually.  And it has nothing to do with Gid.  It's just a manifestation of something I've had on my mind lately.

So now that I feel like I've uncomfortably posted too much information already, I might as well keep going.  I can't be the only married woman with this issue.

My husband loves me, and I'm sure he still thinks I'm pretty.  My self image is probably generally lower than it should be, and lately I've had the desire for someone other than my husband to find me attractive.  How weird and insecure is that?  I don't necessarily want someone other than my husband to kiss me passionately, but I want someone to want to.  I admit, it's a bit pathetic.

Ah, the problems of a hopeless romantic.