"Honestly? That skirt doesn't look good on you. It reminds me of a potato sack."
It was a morning just like any other. I got dressed, and asked the question most men loathe to hear, "Does this look okay?" When he said no, guess what I did? I gave my husband a grateful kiss, and went back to the bedroom and changed into something less bag-looking.
Some women would be offended if their husband said this to them, but I'm grateful. I went into that day looking good, instead of wearing something less flattering. Instead of looking fat, frumpy, unshapely, or un-classy, I don't want to look bad, I would rather have an honest opinion. By advising me on my fashion mistakes, he's not ordering me to wear one thing over another, he's not controlling my wardrobe or my life, and he's not being degrading; he's being helpful.
We value the honest communication we have with each other. It's a good balance of truthfulness, without any insensitive comments or hurt feelings. That's one of the things that makes our relationship work so well.
I also know that he prefers my hair long, he likes me to wear skirts, and he doesn't like it when I wear makeup. As much as I value his opinion, a couple weeks ago I chopped my hair off to shoulder-length, I haven't worn a skirt in weeks, and I wear makeup to work every day. I do what I can to make him happy, but I have to make myself happy too. But that doesn't mean I don't want to know, because I really do. Second to my own opinion, it's what he wants me to look like that counts. I have no one to impress but myself and him.
But it goes both ways. He knows what pairs of jeans that I think make his butt look great, that I like it when he's clean shaven, and my favorite shirts for him to wear are his button-down ones. And he still wears whatever pants he happens to grab, along with a holey t-shirt, and is currently sporting a beard. (Blech, I really dislike the beard.) I still love him unconditionally. And sometimes, he still dresses up and shaves for me.
Which brings me to the inspiration for this post: I read another blog post that asks, "What if your man asked you to lose weight?"
First of all, Brian hasn't asked me to lose weight. He knows how much I would like to slim back down to a healthy weight, he knows how much I'm working towards that, and he motivates me. He also knows how bad I feel about my weight, and he has two things to say about it. "I want you to do what makes you happy," and "I didn't marry you for your looks, I love you for what's in your head," (and then he backtracks to say that doesn't mean I'm not pretty [at which point I pat him on the head and call him a good boy]).
Part of my answer would depend on his insinuation in the question. Is he worried about my health, or is he worried about how I look? If he was worried about my health, I would take the question seriously, but I would also expect his help to make up both healthier. If he was worried about my declining attractiveness, I would be offended. Losing weight isn't about changing an outfit or foregoing eyeshadow, it's not a quick and easy fix. Also, weight isn't a choice between red or blue, or short or long.
But the best part about all of this is that I don't have to worry. He's not going to ask me to stop eating Ben & Jerry's "Everything But The," although he might ask, "Are you going to regret eating that whole pint?"
Because he isn't going to force me to be who he wants me to be, he's going to encourage me to be who I want to be. And that's why I love him.
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