Sunday, September 19, 2010

Seeing A Past Love

My first love was pretty much a secret romance. Yet he taught me so much about relationships, and about life. I couldn't have asked for a man who acted with such grace. I am indebted to him.

But I was young, and new at this love thing. I took advantage of him. I didn't give him the respect he deserved. He never said anything about it. We split because we both found someone else.

We stayed friends for a little while, but soon we grew apart. We moved, changed email addresses, the ties were gone.

Since then, I've wanted to tell him that I'm sorry. That I did him wrong. I want him to have only the best.

This weekend, I saw him again. Although I had practiced it a million times in my head, when I saw him, I didn't know how to approach him, what to say. To make matters worse, I didn't expect him to do what he did: nothing. He ignored me, pretended like he didn't know me.

I think he would've left without saying a thing to me. But I had to at least say hi. And that's all I got. "Hi Michelle." I think I murmured a greeting back. And then he was gone.

Brian knows all about him. He knows how much I've wanted to see him again, make things right. He knows that somewhere in my mind, I hold on to the hope that we could be friends again. I'm jealous of Brian and Angela, that they still have a friendship (and why shouldn't they? Even though she's my husband's ex, she's an awesome person).

Since Brian's heard so much about him, I wanted to introduce him to my ex. I wanted to know that my ex is doing well. He was there with a beautiful woman that I can only assume is his wife. I wanted to tell him congratulations and wish him happiness. And I wanted to apologize, maybe even talk to him again.

I've thought about looking him up, passing on my contact information, just in case he ever wanted to talk to me again. But I know it's best to just let him be. Maybe I'll run into him again under different circumstances.
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